List
in hand, I was doing my usual circuit of the store. When I reached the
meat aisle, a woman ahead of me was trying to make some room in her
cart. In the process, she dropped a bottle of liquid laundry detergent
which splattered all over the floor. A clerk was right there to clean
the spill. The lady looked back at me red-faced, and I gave her a "what
can you do?" shrug. I knew she was mortified, and it wasn't like she did
it on purpose. While she sent her son to get another bottle, I
continued past her and moved on to the dairy section. I have to admit I
was feeling a bit smug and relieved that I wasn't that poor woman.
Once
I'd picked up my milk and cheese, I noticed a huge display of barbecue
sauce, and there was a buy one, get one free offer. Since it was on my
list, I plucked a bottle from the top of the display and looked to see
what other flavors they had. The only other kinds I liked were further
down, and they were all on cardboard cutaway boxes stacked on top of one
another to just above my eye level. I reached down for a garlic bottle,
and when I removed it, I could feel the column start to sag. Quickly I
replaced the bottle and steadied the stack. Further up was onion, which I
also liked, so I thought I'd take that instead. I just barely put a
hand on it when the stack abruptly collapsed. I tried to steady what was
left to avoid further mayhem. Another shopper asked me if I wanted her
to get a clerk, and I said yes as I was intent on damage control.
Shortly after that, the rest of the right side of the display cascaded
onto the floor. I was ankle-deep in barbecue sauce. Fortunately the
bottles were plastic.
By this time, there were
several people watching all this with interest and amusement. Just as I
saw the manager coming with two clerks in tow, the whole left side of
the display gave way..... which also took out an adjacent shelf of
pickles. Those, sadly, were in glass jars. It was carnage. A little boy
goggled at me, and I could tell he was wondering how long I'd be on time
out for creating that big mess. Just then, the lady who'd dropped the
detergent came along, and she gave me the same shrug. This is why I
don't laugh, because karma is indeed a bitch. Surveying the havoc I'd
caused, and aware there were kids nearby, all I could say was, "Well,
poop". I was standing there, with a bottle still in my hand, surrounded
by debris, and it was almost irresistible to blurt out "I didn't do it".
The manager rushed over and asked if I'd hurt myself. I said, "No, I'm
embarrassed to death, but I'm fine. I tried to keep it from getting
worse.... but it just kept getting worse!". He reassured me that it was
no concern, the main thing was that no one was hurt. He and one of the
clerks lifted my cart clear of the wreckage and set it down on the other
side so I could continue. Seeing how scarlet I was, the manager
consoled, "If you just keep going, hardly anyone will know this was your
doing". Somehow I doubted that, but I thanked him, apologized, and kept
going. I had new admiration for the Dutch boy and the dike. In the
same predicament, I'd failed miserably. As I slunk away, I could hear
the manager telling the clerks, "We should never have built the display
that way". No kidding.
To compound my
humiliation, two aisles later I passed an end cap with more barbecue
sauce. I could have taken it safely from there. Then I went down the
condiment aisle and again felt a fool as I realized I could have gotten
it there as well. So much for being a clever shopper. And as if to mock
me, Britney Spears' "Oops, I Did it Again" was blaring from the store
stereo. That was enough for one day. I hightailed it to the register and
then beelined for home. As I made my way in with the groceries, James
came to help me. He took one look at my face and asked what was wrong. I
said, "Bet you're glad you stayed home today", and launched into the
story. He was laughing so hard he was crying by the time I recounted it
all for him. Still snickering, he joked, "Hurricane Lise strikes
again", and thanked me for letting him stay home that trip.
Well, there's a new Sobeys just opening closer to home.... think I'll try my luck there. Surely I can't do worse....
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